Happy Valentine’s day, everyone! What better way to make an arbitrary date in the calendar designed to boost sales of cheesy greetings cards/ petrol station flowers/ Milk Tray, than via the medium of horror films.
Valentine is a predictable stalk and slash film wherein a masked killer bumps off a group of attractive young women. They have to be hot, right, or why would anyone want to murder them? Throw in a hot TV star of the time (Buffy star David Boreanaz aka Angel) and give the current “go to” hot bitch a call (Denise Richards) and there you are.
Anyway, the catalyst for our killer’s homicidal mission seems to be an incident of high school bullying, specifically something that happens at the school dance. Remind you of another story? If you’re thinking Carrie, you’re wrong. This is nothing like Carrie. Carrie was good.
Valentine’s biggest problem is that it’s just so completely mediocre. There’s nothing original in the story, it really is just slash-by-numbers. The characters aren’t even fleshed out enough to be two-dimensional, and the dialogue is just, well…bad. It’s almost like they just couldn’t be bothered, and unless you’re totally hard up for a date, I suggest you don’t bother either.