War Horse

War Horse is a 146 minute exercise in emotional manipulation, which focuses on a gormless boy who enlists to serve in WWI, when his beloved horse is sold to the army.

Now, I know the novel by Michael Morpurgo is well-loved, and the stage show looks truly amazing, but the film is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen.  Save for a brilliant turn by the, erm, horse (who doesn’t even get a credit on IMDB, by the way), some scenery, some cinematography and a little bit of Tom Hiddlestone and Benedict Humpdeback, War Horse was about as much fun  to watch as completing the labours of Hercules.  That is, the actual labours of Hercules.

Don't get excited, they aren't in it for very long

Don’t get excited, they aren’t in it for very long

I probably could’ve coped with War Horse, enjoyed it, even if it hadn’t been for the aforementioned gormless boy.  Now, because I haven’t read the book, I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be a bit dim, a bit young for his age and just generally not really all there so I’m not going to criticise the young actor, Jeremy Irvine, because I’m not sure if its his fault.  The result though, is a painful and cringe-inducing affair.

Score: 2/10

Now here’s a nice picture of the clever old horse:

war horse

 

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18 responses to “War Horse

  1. Since I love history and this time period and Spielberg, I was far more forgiving. Visually stunning with moments of great it was a mediocre love story. The horse was great, however. Nice review.

    • Urgh, I’m very jealous that you’ve never seen it. What I wouldn’t give to get those precious (not to mention LONG) hours back! This is truly one of my least favourite films I’ve ever had the misfortune of seeing. And I watch a lot of shit.

  2. Emotional manipulation sums this one up pretty well for me. I wasn’t keen on the cinematography either. I love the natural landscape where this was filmed but I’ve never seen it look like that – the sunsets just felt very over the top to me.

    • “Over the top” pretty much goes for the whole thing up, really! And you know what, the more I think about it, the less I like it. Furthermore, it makes me kind of angry that it’s so horrible.

  3. Hey Laura! What perfect timing that you posted this review as I was talking about ‘great cast bad movie’ on my blog. ‘an exercise in emotional manipulation’ is right, it was really too much though I did shed a tear a couple of times, but I felt upset afterwards because I felt conned somehow. Too bad as the cast is great, I mean Hiddleston AND Cumberbatch in one movie!!

    • Hi Ruth, thanks for popping in. It really is a shame that this was so AWFUL but it’s heartening to know that other people felt the same. Misery loves company, as they say!

  4. I refuse to watch this. I hate movies that are purposefully developed just to make you cry… and I also don’t like horses.

    • I like horses but this is a truly TERRIBLE film, and I’m jealous of anyone who’s never seen it. My mum didn’t even like it.

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