I love a seasonal horror: Valentine’s Day, April Fool’s Day, Christmas, New Year’s. I’m not fussy. So seeing as it’s my birthday, I thought it was a great time to finally check out Bloody Birthday. And the cherry on the cake is that it was made in the 1980s. Just like me!
The premise is very simple: three 10 year olds born during a solar eclipse, are evil for some reason, and go on a killing spree. It’s 80s, it’s hokey, there are killer children. What’s not to like?
Here are 7 things I learned from Bloody Birthday:
- Never give birth during a solar eclipse.
- Don’t piss off evil children who were born during a solar eclipse – they’ll kill the shit out of you.
- Never have sex in a graveyard, at night, in an open grave. That’s just asking for trouble.
- Junk yards aren’t a good place to play.
- Evil children don’t have a clear modus operandi. Those little buggers will make you dead via any means at their disposal.
- It’s probably best not to leave your teenage daughter to look after her younger brother for prolonged periods while you piss off on holiday. That’s just general life advice.
- Parents who own guns (and I just need to point out how weird that concept is to me), really should make sure their evil offspring can’t get hold of them.
In short, Bloody Birthday is kind of shit, but I kind of liked it.